Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm having to shit out rocks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
