I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
