My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
