I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
