Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
