Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
