Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
