When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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