Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
