Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
