were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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