Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
