she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
