Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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