Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
