tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize