This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
