well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
