I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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