I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
