So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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