a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
