he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
