Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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