We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
