I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
