I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
