so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A+ Viking dick
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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