now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
