hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
