It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
