eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
