Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
