Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize