We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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