Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want her autograph on my taint
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
