I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
