He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
