Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
