let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
