the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
