I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
