the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
