gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
