even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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