Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
pop tarts are not kleenex
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
