you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
