chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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