New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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