so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
