Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just pee around me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
