Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
