the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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