just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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