I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
