its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
