i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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