I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
