Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
