i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
