If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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