8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
