Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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