forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
