fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize