I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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